GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Uh-huh, that's my shit! All the girls stomp your feet like this! Let's go to press.
The German E.Coli strain is sending Europe into a panic, infecting 1500 so far.
Jill Abramson will become the executive editor of the most prestigious dead print media source in the world, the New York Times. Have fun, Jill!
White person Mitt Romney announces that he will take yet another unsuccessful stab at running for President Obama's job.
Another pal of Osama bin Laden is arrested. Okay, but where are the sexy Seal Team 6 photos?
270 Libyan refugees are missing at sea after an accident on their overcrowded boat.
Actor Billy Bob Thornton's daughter has been found guilty of aggravated manslaughter of a child. EW.
Guys. Kim Kardashian is NOT pregnant. In a related story: Nobody gives a shit.
As Ezra reported yesterday, Shaq tweeted that he's retiring. In a related story: Nobody gives a shit. (About Shaq that is, not Ezra.)
However, you will give a shit about this headline of the day: "Duck Lays Egg in Home Depot Aisle!"
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: ONE MORE DAY, GUYS! Then everything will be fiiiiiiine.
And finally, watch Adam West act the shit out of these scene where Bruce Wayne and Batman are on a conference call... with each other!