As one of the Mercury's resident word nerds (read: I enjoy figuring out whether words like "shit-ton" should or should not be hyphenated), it's come to my attention that we need a new language for talking about grammar and syntax. Like, what do you call it when someone inappropriately and randomly uses commas? Urban Dictionary nailed it:

Shatner commas: Oddly placed commas that don't seem to serve any actual purpose in punctuation, but make it look like you should take odd pauses, as William Shatner does when delivering lines. This is what Shatner commas look like: When, we get to, the restaurant, we should, order some, tasty, beverages.

Here's another one from Team Courtney and Alison, inspired by Commenty Colin:
narcolipses: The overuse of ellipses throughout a sentence, which seem to indicate the writer is falling asleep mid-thought. Example: I need to pay my garbage bill... then I should get this mole taken care of... what do you think about John Cassavetes as a filmmaker?

parenthetical rabbit hole: When a parenthetical phrase or sentence is left open with no closing parenthesis to end the lengthening aside, which is becoming a behemoth, spiraling ever closer to becoming a James Joyce novel.

limey crimes: It's gray, not grey. Traveled, not travelled. What, you think you're better than me because you spell it theatre?! It's theater, you pompous ass. YOU ARE NOT BRITISH! (Unless you are, then I'm sorry I yelled at you.)

Your turn, Blogtown! What are terms for your particular brand of grammatical apoplexy?