Friday? Really? Friday? Thank your maker. But don't thank the boss. At least, don't thank the boss if you work at one the many businesses helping to stall the economic recovery by spending their spare cash on equipment (thanks to self-serving tax breaks) instead of on their employees. Here's a long quote that distills what smells about this: "The economy is producing as much as it was before the downturn, but with seven million fewer jobs. Since the recovery began, businesses’ spending on employees has grown 2 percent as equipment and software spending has swelled 26 percent, according to the Commerce Department."

If losing most of your town to a vicious tornado isn't smiting enough, an aggressive fungus has begun infecting the wounds of the injured survivors in Joplin, Missouri. It's killing people who otherwise would have recovered, but sparing them the joy of having to rebuild shattered homes and lives.

The United States is too broke and dysfunctional
to play world's angriest cop with the same gusto these days, says our retiring defense secretary, Robert Gates. In a speech, he chewed out our European allies for standing by idly while the world crumbles before their very eyes.

On second thought, it really was a bunch of filth-ridden bean sprouts that gave an occasionally fatal bout of the squirts to thousands of Germans and other Europeans. Get ready to start eating more and more poop.

A(nother) massacre is developing in Syria.
Some 5,000 loyalist soldiers and dozens of tanks are gathering outside a restive border town near Turkey that's become a flashpoint in the repressive Arab country's long-simmering civil revolt.

The Sarah Palin emails, all 24,000 of 'em, will be available only on paper. Boxes and boxes and boxes of paper. Media outlets all want help diving in.

Some of the hot air inflating Newt Gingrich's head is hissing its way to freedom, along with his entire senior presidential campaign staff. He might not want a future in Republican politics after this, but they apparently do.

That future includes other Republican presidential campaigns—possibly one by three-term Texas Governor Rick Perry. Perry is a natural, presiding this year over crippling budget cuts and helping to push austere socially conservative legislation.

What's Hillary Clinton's next act going to be? How about president of the World Bank? Maybe? Maybe not? Does anyone care?

OH, AND I GUESS THIS ISN'T BULLSHIT AFTER ALL:
That iPhone you refuse to turn off, or slide into "airplane mode," really can bring down the whole show, a leaked study reveals. But, again, does anyone care?

STOP FROWNING! STOP WHIMPERING! GO FALL IN LOVE AND LEAVE ME ALONE.