Hey venomous funnel-web spider! Ooh, girl, your hair is a hot MESS! You are NOT going out on the web looking like that, are you? Oh, hell-to-the-no-.org! Sit your ass down. No? Fine, then I'll hold you down with this pair of tweezers and a rubber band! Now where's my paintbrush? (And after I'm done with this, don't even think about crawling away! We're putting your ass on the Jenny Craig!)