I am a straight woman from the Ohio who has been good friends with a gay man for many years. As we are from the land of "Touchdown Jesus" and not far from the "science optional" Creation Museum, my friend decided almost a year ago to move to Seattle. He met a great guy and dated him for several months. He frequently talked to me about how much fun he and his new boyfriend were having together. One night my friend drank too much and sampled more of what Seattle has to offer—and I'm not talking Cupcake Royale. He told his boyfriend what happened, apologized to him, and sought counseling to help him understand why he sabotaged his new relationship. But the boyfriend broke it off anyway. Now my friend wants to close the blinds, curl up in a fetal position, and watch the Twilight movies over and over. He really cares about this guy, he's really sorry about what he did, and he is possessed by the belief he will never meet anyone as special as his now ex- boyfriend in Seattle. How do I help my friend?

He's Exceedingly Regretful

P.S. Don't tell me I need to get out of Ohio too. Somebody's got to stay to try to knock some sense into some of these people.

My response after the jump...


You help your friend by encouraging him to watch this Tim Minchin song on YouTube over and over and over again...

Your friend can—and will—have someone else. There are other boys in Seattle, some more special, some less, and once he's over his ex he's gonna find one. And some good will have come of this painful period in his life if it helps him to remember the importance of sampling from the approved tasting menu only.

In other Tim Minchin news: he's playing the Aladdin this Thursday!