Good morning, 1930s! Anemic job growth—only 18,000 net new ones, in all of America—has further dimmed all the non-light escaping from the black hole that is our nation's economy. At 29 months with unemployment at 8 percent, and counting, we're in the middle of a streak we haven't seen since the Great Depression. (And now I'm obligated to point out that, yes, the Depression was way effing worse and that we actually have a social safety net to keep us from turning into hobos and dust bowl migrants.)

Happily, this is the toxic backdrop for congressional/presidential discussions on whether to cut off the United States' credit in August, forcing us to default on our outstanding payments. Republicans want trillions in spending cuts, and so does President Obama, but now a deal may not be as close as everyone hoped a day or two ago.

This also ought to be good fodder for Republican presidential candidates. But they've been very busy hating on gays and deciding to selectively exempt pornography from the First Amendment (looking at you, Michele!). And now, can guess which crowd is having a hard time raising presidential-campaign cash all the sudden?

More sadness today: Atlantis, the last American space shuttle EVER, as you've no doubt heard, launched into the skies today. It's gonna be a long time until Zefram Cochrane saves the day in 2063.

SHOCKER! FOR REAL! Someone was gored by a bull during that one event in Spain where people get drunk and chase a bunch of bulls in an urban environment the animals no doubt find strange and terrifying.

Your encyclopedia's about to get that much more outdated. South Sudan, after a popular referendum and decades of guerrilla warfare, will be born Saturday. Africa's 54th country by the numbers: "A 15-year-old girl has a higher chance of dying in childbirth than she does of finishing primary school. More than 10 percent of children do not make it to their fifth birthday. About three-quarters of adults cannot read. Only 1 percent of households have a bank account." CONGRATULATIONS!

In Pakistan, gang warfare in the nation's largest city, Karachi, a cozy place with 18 million people, has claimed some 80 lives in recent days. Who needs Al-Qaida to keep people hunkering in their houses in fear?

Are you weeping yet? A Michigan man who shot dead seven people, including two children, and then led police on a car chase before taking more hostages, killed himself.

How about now? A young fireman bonding with his young son at an exciting Texas Rangers baseball game falls to his death while trying to impress the lad by catching a foul ball. His final, heartwrenching words: "Please check on my son. My son was up there by himself."

Okay. Now you can laugh. Unless you still feel like crying. A Colorado woman is accused of killing a cat by blowing heroin smoke into its cute little face, causing it to overdose.