The war against "terrorism" is unwinnable. But—maybe! hopefully! or something!—the United States is "within reach" or "strategically defeating" Al-Qaida. Or so says our new defense secretary, Leon Panetta, the fellow who just got done being the CIA boss who oversaw the assassination of Osama bin Laden. And, surprisingly, he's even including the more-dangerous Qaida branch in Yemen.

Betty Ford, the first lady who nobly made it okay to tell someone you were going to rehab to deal with the awfulness of addiction (but especially so for rich and famous and self-entitled train-wrecks) has died at the age of 93.

In massive protests in Malaysia, royal authorities have arrested close to 1,700 people, reportedly including a handful of children, demanding something as quaint as non-rigged, fair elections.

Which is still somehow better than Syria. Human rights groups are releasing testimony from military and security forces defectors who say their superiors clearly ordered them to use live rounds when dispersing protests.

So a guy walks into a bar in Mexico... Actually several men did, with guns, and shot up the place, killing at least 17 people. Cartels doing battle, it seems.

New York's historic gay marriage vote, thanks to a dodgy interpretation by some businesses, is forcing an uncomfortable choice on some committed couples: Get hitched, even if you don't really want to, or else your partner will lose his or her health benefits.

Meet the people hired to stick to the live-wire, loose-cannon field of Republican nominees like glue, filming them constantly in hopes of catching them doing and saying embarrassing things.

In Portland, in some circles, you're a jerk if you don't carve up your front lawn with raised beds. In Michigan, you're a jerk—and afoul of city code—if you do.

It's called "People Staring at Computers." An artist hacked into the web cams of the display computers at an Apple store in New York City, posting the clandestine snapshots of curious shoppers onto an excellent tumblr. Now the Secret Service is investigating

A shitty person thrown out of a shitty party at her shitty neighbor's place does something SUPER SHITTY in a bid to exact a little revenge: She microwaved the neighbor's kitten.

BUT THIS KITTY ISN'T KAPUT! IT'S JUST SLEEPING! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ABOUT WHOEVER IS POKING IT? THEY'RE KIND OF AN ASSHOLE!