GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! She had dumps like a truck truck truck. Thighs like what what what. Let's go to press!

In their continuing bid to ensure that Americans stay unemployed, the Republicans smack back at Obama's ambitious plan to fix the national debt.

After shuttering his News of the World tabloid last week, media giant Rupert Murdoch is still being asked to squelch his deal to buy British Sky Broadcasting.

More than 100 people, many of whom were kids, drown in a terrible Russian boating accident.

The U.S. is holding back $800 million in aid to those slimy, backstabbing fuckers in Pakistan. On the other hand, some think that by denying Pakistan their aid, we're actually making things worse. Again, fuck them.

Sarah Palin: STILL DELUSIONAL.

There's trouble ahead for Netflix, which is losing more and more ground in the face of competition from other streaming companies, as well as the studios themselves.

Guys! Rebecca Black (Fryyy-day! Fryyy-day! Gotta get down on Fryyy-day!) is debuting her new single on July 18, which will not be anything even remotely as satisfying.

Locally, somebody dumps tacks all over the road to mess up the Seattle-to-Portland Bicycle Classic. GUYS! You just think it, you don't do it.

The Timbers have their asses handed to them AGAIN, this time by Seattle with a final score of 3-2. (Stand by for Blogtown Timbers correspondent Brian Gjurgevich's wrap-up and analysis.)

In a related story, Seattle also trounces Portland in recycling. ("Torso" found at Seattle recycling plant. EW! Thanks for the tip, Graham!)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cloudier and cooler this week with highs in the very comfortable mid-to-lower 70s.

And finally, here's that inevitable Harry Potter/"Friday" parody which sounds absolutely ghastly in theory—but is actually pretty funny!