GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! If one guy's colors and the others don't mix, they're gonna bash it up, bash it up, bash it up, bash it up... HEY! Let's go to press.

While they're certainly not to blame for all our problems—FUCK OFF, S& P! After downgrading our credit worthiness (and playing right into the idiot hands of those tea party idiots) S&P has brought around the worst five days of trading since 2008.

By the way, we were downgraded even though S&P admits to making a $2.1 trillion mathematical error. Again, fuck those fucking fucks.

Here's a pretty good sentence: "Having Standard & Poor's downgrade the creditworthiness of the U.S., and warn the country about further downgrades, is a little like having the Catholic Church lecture Scout leaders on the proper behavior toward boys." BOO-YAH!

Expect more information today on that fatal helicopter crash in Afghanistan I mentioned over the weekend, in which 30 U.S. troops were killed, 22 of whom were Navy SEALS.

Arab nations yank out their ambassadors from Syria as the country continues it's deadly crackdown on their citizens.

A shooter in Ohio goes on a house-to-house rampage, killing seven people.

After police in London shoot a father of four, riots break out leading to the arrest of 160.

Locally, former governor and senator Mark O. Hatfield (and Republican who was against the war in Vietnam) passed away yesterday at the ripe age of 89.

I AM DETERMINED TO FIND SOME GOOD NEWS TODAY.

Justin Bieber and gal-pal Selena Gomez sweep the Teen Choice Awards! (I didn't necessarily mean that to be the "good news.")

Big Boi from the group Outkast has been arrested on charges of drug possession. (THAT'S NOT GOOD NEWS EITHER!!)

OKAY! I FOUND SOMETHING! Recently at an Aziz Ansari comedy show, a woman asked him the racist question, "Why don't you have a red dot on your forehead?" He replied, “Why don't you have the word c—t on your forehead?” BOO-YAH! Okay, now the day will get much better.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: More good weather news! If you liked last week, expect more of the same!

And finally, here's the gravy for your plate of cheer-up mashed potatoes... video of adorable ducks crossing the street. Quack, quack, waddle, waddle!