So here's my quandary: there's a person in my neighborhood who owns a canoe. I've seen it sitting out in his yard, propped up against his garage, and it has not been moved in, like, at least two years. I don't know this person, but I do know this: He does not look particularly friendly, and I do not want to pay anything for his canoe. However, if I had his canoe, I'm sure I would use it on a semi-regular basis—or at least more than he does. I hate to see a perfectly good canoe go to waste!!


Your suggestions on how one might go about ethically stealing someone's canoe are welcome in the comments.

UPDATE: While I appreciate the enthusiasm of your comments thus far, you are all, as usual, wildly unhelpful. I am asking if there is any circumstance in which I can ethically steal the above person's canoe, and if so, I would like to hear it. I don't want to hear that I shouldn't steal the canoe, or that I should ask him to give me the canoe. Those options are off the table. Seriously, people. I'm starting to think Sam Adams should stop with all the hippy-dippy composting ideas and just dump Ritalin in the city's water supply. Just ANSWER... THE... QUESTION. Thank you.

A canoe.
  • A canoe.