A press release from the Portland Police Bureau informs us that "multiple suspicious devices" were found this morning at Arbor Lodge Park (2700 North Bryant) that definitely seemed to be of the explode-y variety. A citizen called in to report the devices and described them thusly:

The caller reported finding a soda bottle wrapped in tape that appeared to have already exploded as well as two tennis balls wrapped in tape with an exposed wire. The caller told 9-1-1 that one of the tennis balls appeared to have been set off but the other was intact.

Unless that soda bottle was a "Fresca," you're not going to be able to pin this one on me. Also, I don't use tennis balls as explosive devices—unless you count my wicked tennis serve. Boo-yah-shacka-lacka in your stupid FACE! Sorry, I digress.

Officers arrived and after assessing the devices, called for the Metropolitan Explosives Disposal Unit (MEDU) to respond. Bomb Techs arrived and were able to destroy the one tennis ball that had not been exploded. Bomb Techs are checking the park for any additional evidence of bottle bombs or tennis ball devices.

Dear kids who obviously built these devices: Go to college, study chemistry and physics, and get a job on the Bomb Tech team. They get to blow up shit for fun all the time. Dear Portland Police: If you're looking for a suspect, I think I may have one for you.