A friend of mine came out as assexual this week in a blog post, which he may or may not know that I read (not an actively kept secret, but I'm not sure). A couple of questions:

1. I feel like a creep for even thinking this, but I have to admit that part of me sort of wonders if this is a "real" orientation. I guess it doesn't matter in terms of my actions, but I do have to wonder if this is the result of some sort of trauma or psychological stuff that could potentially be dealt with through a therapist. I realize that sounds close to the whole gay therapy thing, and of course I don't want to go down that path, but I guess it's just hard for me to understand how someone can't form a sexual connection with another person and still be 100% OK psychologically.

2. How do I react the next time I see this friend? Should I bring it up? Again, he might assume I've read the info online, or might have no idea that I've seen it. Do I say something? Not sure about the etiquette.

Does LGBT Need An "A"?

My response after the jump...


1. Asexuality, according to asexuals and the people who love (but don't fuck) 'em, is a real sexual orientation... or lack thereof. Usually. Because, you see, some asexuals do "experience attraction," DLNAA, "[but] feel no need to act out that attraction sexually." So it's an orientation. Or a disorientation. Or something. But whatever it is, it's for real.

Now it's entirely possible, of course, that your friend isn't really asexual, just as it's possible that I'm not really gay and Marcus Bachmann isn't really straight. Your friend may have decided to identify as asexual because he can't deal with his sexuality or wants to opt out because he finds the game exhausting. Or he may actually be asexual. But whichever it is—can't deal, opting out, actually asexual—you're not the sexual identity police. So long as your friend isn't externalizing an internal conflict and making other people miserable in the process—a la Marcus Bachmann—your friend doesn't need to be confronted or rescued or dragged kicking and screaming to a therapist's office. Leave him alone.

And no one is "100% OK psychologically," and not everyone needs sex and/or a romantic relationship to feel content and enjoy life.

2. "Hey, how's it going."

"Good, man, you?"

"Good. Did you see Rise of the Planet of the Apes?"

"Yeah—it was terrible."

"I know, right? What a stupid waste of time."

"Yeah, totally—hey, I saw your blog post about IDing as asexual. If that's something you want to talk about I'd love to learn more. But if it's not something you want to talk about—if that post was your final word on the subject—we can talk about other shit."