Christ, I miss basketball. Yet as the men in suits meet in New York and decide the already-doomed fate of the NBA, I am left scouring the internet for news about... HOLY CRAP, THAT'S A GREAT PRICE FOR AN INFLATABLE BEN WALLACE!

Why pay $49.99 like a sucker for this Inflatable Defender when you can pick up one (or 100) for $9.99? Your kids will love the life-size dimensions and "two handles for easy movement and play value," plus unlike his flesh and blood counterpart, Air Wallace can also help your offspring with their trombone lessons. Who in their right mind would buy an inflatable LeBron James or Kobe Bryant? Those guys are good at basketball. Granted, his speciality is defense, but in the '07-08 season Wallace averaged under five points and under nine rebounds per game (while earning $15.5 million). He'll teach your child to set a goal of making lots and lots of money without trying too hard—it's the American way!