GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Can't get it outta my head—miss her, kiss her, love her... that girl is LET'S GO TO PRESS.

A practically unknown Republican businessman from Queens, Bob Turner, nabs the congressional seat formerly held by Andrew Weiner, in a district that at least one time was heavily Democratic. Uh-oh.

In somewhat better news for Obama, a poll indicates that more Americans trust him when it comes to the economy than those slack-jawed, drooling mouth-breathers in the Republican party.

The official investigation to discover who's to blame for the 2010 gulf oil spill has been completed, and unsurprisingly it's BP's fault, Transocean's fault, and Halliburton's fault.

As it turned out, government assistance kept 3.2 million Americans out of poverty last year... so exactly when are the Tea Baggers going to SHUT THE FUCK UP?

Libyan citizens around the Gadhafi stronghold are told to vamoose by the rebels—'cuz shit is about to get REAL.

Israel's foreign minister warns there will be "dire consequences" if Palestine is given the keys to the car.

An 85-year-old man trapped in his car after an accident is rescued, but not before he writes an embarrassing "goodbye note" that tells the homeowner's association they should fix the road. QUIT NAGGING AND DIE ALREADY, GRAMPY!!

Here it is! The news you've been waiting much of your adult life to hear: SCARLETT JOHANSSON NUDE PHOTO LEAK!!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Let's cool it down, y'all! 72 today with the temp dropping to the upper 60s by week's end.

And finally, here's the greatest headline (other than, of course, "Scarlett Johansson Nude Photo Leak") you will read all day:


Read the hilarious... I mean, sad! SAD!... full story here.