Everything I know, I learn from the tabloids while standing in line at the grocery store. For example:


Now, I was not aware of this, but Michelle Obama is a total b-hole who allegedly called Hillary Clinton, "Old, Sloppy, and Fat" according to the Globe. Obviously the humiliation was too great for our Secretary of State, and because she doesn't have anything better to do with her time, secretly got $50,000 worth of plastic surgery. BUT THAT'S NOT THE BEST PART. Also according to this cover, now that Clinton is hot, svelte, and entirely bangable, SHE'S GOT ANOTHER PLAN IN MIND. Reeeeeeevenge!


YOU GO, GIRL! Kick those bitch ass Obamas right out of that ruling seat of government!! (Ummm... anybody have any idea as to how she might accomplish this?)