GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Friends say it's fine, friends say it's good, everybody says it's just like rock 'n' roll. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Today in "Occupy" News: Wall Street Occupiers invite Rev. Al Sharpton and children (separately) to their party... 400 gather for "Occupy New Orleans"—here's the report from ex-Merc person Matt Davis... In Seattle, Mayor McGinn and the cops shove occupiers out of Westlake Park... Occupy Portland spreads south to Salem today... and in case you missed it over the weekend, a sexual assault was reported at the Occupy Portland camp, and Portland occupiers and Portland marathoners coexisted peacefully on Sunday—all except for this I, Anonymous protester!

This is not what you want to read first thing in the morning, but... according to a horrifying new U.N. report, "Suspects are hung by their hands, beaten with cables and in some cases their genitals are twisted until they lose consciousness in detention facilities run by the Afghan intelligence service and the Afghan national police." Ugh! Mondays, am I right?

The Egyptian army clashes with Christian protesters, leaving 25 dead and at least 272 wounded. Meanwhile in Syria, 31 are reported killed while protesting against the government. (Maybe Mayor Adams and the Portland cops can get them all to cooperate?)

Obama's jobs bill goes up for a key vote tomorrow, with the GOP expected to do anything they can to stop it, because... once again... THE GOP HATES JOBS.

Michele Bachmann to world: "Guys! My campaign is totally NOT imploding. Really, where do you get such ideas?"

November 5th is "Bank Transfer Day" when people will be shifting their accounts from big, greedy banks to credit unions. Are you in or out?

Mikey Welsh, formerly of the band Weezer, dies in a hotel room, currently of causes unknown.

Netflix murders their newborn baby Qwikster, claiming they "greatly underestimated" what their customers wanted, and plan on spending their free time partying.

Despite the flurry of "ehhh" reviews, Apple reports that presales of their iPhone 4S broke all records. (Perhaps in part to the death of Steve Jobs? Is it horrible (but true) for me to say that?)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Today WET. Tomorrow not so WET. Wednesday and Thursday much less WET.

And finally, a car jumping rope. OCCUPY CARS JUMPING ROPE!!