I’m sure that like millions of other people who read and enjoy your column, I only write when I think you’ve messed up, and I apologize for that. But I think you messed up with your advice to RAM this week: “The next time your roommate makes a homophobic remark, RAM, tell him you’re gay, tell him you don’t appreciate his comments, and tell him you’re somewhat mystified by his remarks in light of his body of work. Then roll the tape.”

Yeah, that sounds like what would happen if it actually was a porn parody, as you suggest. However, this is real life, and RAM sounds like he’s living with a total closet case. And we all know what happens when a complete closet case is outed in real life, particularly in the manner you describe: violence.

It’s the homophobic remarks that give me pause. If it were just some guy who presented as straight and denied being gay that RAM had found videos of Xtube, I’d say less caution (but still more than no caution) would be warranted. But we’re talking about someone who not only presents straight, but also presents homophobic. Chances are he’s not using the homophobic remarks to convince everyone else that he’s straight. It’s more likely that he’s using them to convince himself that—despite the fact that he makes videos that would suggest that he loves the cock—he himself DOES NOT LOVE THE COCK. Being outed by someone who actually does love the cock, and is ready, willing and able to provide the cock, isn’t likely to end like it would in a porn film. Chances are, RAM is less likely to be topping this guy and more likely to be spending some less-than-quality time in an ER.

Concerned For RAM


My response after the jump...

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You weren't the only reader concerned for RAM's health and safety after reading my response, CFR. Rest assured: I forwarded your email and a few others to RAM, and he read dire warnings before he even saw his letter and my response in the column.

"I appreciate your readers' concern," RAM responded in an email, "but I think they misread the letter a bit. That's probably my fault. My roommate isn't an overtly aggressive or hateful guy. His homophobic remarks are usually side comments about two coworkers that he assumes are gay. The comments are annoying because of their frequency and the way they play into untrue stereotypes," but they're not tinged with threats of violence.

RAM adds that he has since come out to his roommate.

"The conclusion was neither a beat down or sex fest," RAM wrote. "I decided that my roommate is entitled to his privacy and that if he is conflicted about his sexuality then telling him I found his channel will probably only do him harm. However, he's not entitled to be a homophobe. So last night when he made a homophobic comment I simply said, 'You know, I'm gay—would you say the same about me?' It kind of stopped him in his tracks. I also told him when we first met that I thought he was gay. I figured that might leave the door open for him to come out.

"Thanks you for your advice. Sorry I can't offer a more scandalous ending but you'll be the first one to know if I bed him. Hell, maybe we'll put it on Xtube!"