This week I may have dampened the spirits of anyone who thought they'd found Portland's hottest new place to pick up babes. Worry not, I present to you Eric Weber and M. Rob Frazier's Where to Pick Up Girls! A Complete Guide to America's Best Pick Up Spots. It "features over 900 action spots in 26 cities," one of which is our beloved hometown. Sure it was published in 1974, but how different could things be?

Bad news first: Portland's "action" is boring and dominated by the olds.

I was surprised to find Portland a much more conservative, sedate town than I had imaged...most of the "action" goes on in very staid—almost small town New England—manner: people meet at each others' homes. Young people leave to go to school, get married, and then come back to settle down.

Good news: The Goose Hollow Inn has tons of loose women...

I don't know if owner-manager Bud Clark would put it so directly, but it is openly and unabashedly known as Portland's foremost pick-up spot. There is nothing special about it except its reputation—and the accuracy of that reputation. To a man (or woman), everyone I spoke with about places to go in Portland said something like "Well, if you're interested in finding someone to spend the night with and that's about all..." and always ended by recommending the Goose Hollow Inn. Scientist that I am, I decided to experiment for myself. Gentleman that I am, I won't tell you the results. But, if you're interested in finding someone to spend the night with and that's about all, the women of the Goose Hollow are in their late 20's and early 30's and are certainly old enough to know what they want and how to get it...The atmosphere, as you might have guessed, is informal, but a sports shirt and slacks will probably be the most appropriate dress.

Proof that nothing, really, has changed: The Lloyd Center

One last place that every Portland resident will insist you visit, and I'll add my voice to that throng, is Lloyd Center.

Ladies: Youve Been Warned.
  • Ladies: You've Been Warned.