GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Like a moth to a flame, burned by the fire, my love is blind, can't you see my desire? LET'S GO TO PRESS.
In last night's GOP debate, the candidates—especially Mitt Romney and Rick Perry—argued, yelled, launched personal attacks, uttered testy asides, and in general, acted like the crybaby assholes they are. Heh... heh... hehhhhhhh. (Stand by for video!)
Speaking of tubby crybabies, the heir to the throne of Rupert Murdoch is in question thanks to vicious infighting between son and pop. Heh... heh... hehhhhhh.
Recipients of Social Security are getting a 3.6% raise. (Wait... Social Security still exists?)
After Kurdish rebels kill 24 along the border, Turkish soldiers, bombers, and gunships chase the perpetrators into Iraq. Let's see how that goes over.
A two-day strike shuts down Greece and leads to a riot where protesters hurl rocks and gas bombs at police.
Wild lions, tigers, leopards and grizzly bears are on the loose in Ohio!! PANIC!!! (Occupy Wall Street, are you behind this?)
After a fruitless 16 hour day of tense negotiations, NBA owners and players will meet again today. Maybe it's time for my National T-Ball League idea?
MTV has finally figured out a way to make money off the Occupy movement. Here's the casting call for what could very well be The Real World: Occupy Wall Street.
In case ya missed it, yesterday afternoon the Occupy Portland peeps marched to show solidarity with the homeless people camped out at Right to Dream 2, who are being drummed out by (surprise!) rich people and their cronies in City Hall. (Good morning, Dan Saltzman.)
Today's Portland Tribune Absolutely Filthy Headline of the Day: "It's Time to Suck it Up!" Ugh, you guys. That's what he said.
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cloudy in the low 60s today and tomorrow with a showery weekend ahead.
And finally, you've been waiting for it... and here it is! HIPSTER BARBIE! (Chest tattoos, check. Pink hair, check... a porcupine dog? EVEN PORTLAND HIPSTERS DON'T HAVE THOSE!!)