I've been seeing a guy for a little over a year and all was going very well. We had a good relationship, good sex and good friendship; a nice situation. A couple months ago he told me that he wants to be my slave. I surprised myself by saying okay. I got into it right away. It's very hot, the sex is great, and life has never been more exciting. All is well, sort of.

The problem is that I don't feel as much friendship in our relationship any more. Being in control and making all decisions is not always the easiest thing for me to do, but I learned that he likes serving me and acting on my commands. A lot. The sex is hot, hot, hot. In other areas though, I feel like I need freindship from someone else, now.

I'm not sure what is happening because I still like him a lot, but am losing my sense of our connection as partners. I sometimes feel as though aspects of my needs are not being met and that it is somewhat my fault for agreeing to be his master. Am I doomed to a lifestyle of an open relationship with a slave at home while I have dates and meetings with friends outside the home?

A Reluctant Master

My response after the jump...


You two are doing TPE 24/7 D/s?—Dan


Yeah. When we go out or others are over we don't, but otherwise, yes. TPE.—ARM


You need to step out of your role for a moment and ask/order/insist that he step out of his, ARM, and talk this out as equals. However much fun he's having, however hot the sex is, you're feeling lonely and dissatisfied. And if your relationship is designed to meet his needs only, or if his needs are paramount, who exactly is the slave here? Emphasize that you get off on being his master, ARM, but tell him that you miss having a boyfriend. If he can fill both needs/play both roles—if he can be your boyfriend and your slave—that's great. Create some time and space for it in your relationship for more boyfriendliness.

But if he can't be your slave and your boyfriend—if boyfriendliness spoils the master/slave thing for him, if he has no desire to see himself as an equal anything in this relationship—then you're going to have to go and a find yourself a boyfriend who doesn't mind dating a guy with a slave or, better yet, is into the idea.

A boyfriend-and-a-slave is not an uncommon arrangement in gay BDSM/kink/TPE land, and it can be a big part of the erotic power exchange, i.e. you get everything you want, and you get more (dick) than he does.—Dan