GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Yeah, okay I got a little fat, but my shorty told me that he like it like that. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

It's gonna be a busy day for Occupy Oakland who plans on staging a series of marches against banks, occupying foreclosed homes, and disrupting the port. (Dear Occupy PDX: It's not a competition.)

One of the female staffers who accused Herman Cain of sexual harassment received $35,000 in shut-up money severance pay.

A London court rules that Wikileaks founder Julian Assange can be extradited to Sweden to answer allegations of sexual abuse. The upside? I hear Sweden has delicious meatballs.

The Greek cabinet wants to put their latest bailout (which has been months in the making) to a public vote, potentially screwing themselves and the rest of Europe in the process. YAY DEMOCRACY!

The Libyan war is over... but somebody should really tell those drunk rebels who are still fighting.

The man who brought serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer to justice has been accused of (IRONY ALERT!!) murder.

Justin Bieber vehemently denies charges that he is the biological dad of a fan's baby. (Besides that "baby" is old enough to be his father!)

Get ready for a good, long emo twee cry: Zooey Deschanel and husband Ben Gibbard have split.

As Denis noted earlier, Police Chief Mike Reese has said he is NOT going to run for mayor in 2012, despite what certain other people may claim. (Gee! "Unnamed sources" just ain't what they used to be.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cooling down, getting cloudier, getting showerier with temps dropping from the mid-50s to the mid-40s this week.

And finally, Conan's "masturbating bear" has gotten his life together and has stopped masturbating. OR HAS HE???