GOOD MORNING, NEWS! She said, "I need a man's man, baby—diamonds and furs. Love would only conquer my head." LET'S GO TO PRESS.

It was yet ANOTHER insane Republican debate last night, in which all the candidates swore to place national security over civil rights. Go America?

An Illinois Republican wants to make Chicago America's 51st state. I'm not completely opposed to that for some reason.

The military swarms into Cairo's Tahrir Square in an effort to calm the ongoing riot between protesters and police. It did not go so well.

The Occupy movement plans on doing what they can to foul up Black Friday, and encourage people to shop local by publishing a list of stores to boycott or occupy. My favorite line from the release? "We are NOT anti-capitalist, just anti-crapulist." BOOYAH!! Writer of that sentence? You're hired.

Two new allegations of child sexual abuse have been leveled at Penn State assistant coach Jerry Sandusky, thereby giving the entire Catholic Church a run for its money.

Justice is somewhat served: The Texas judge who was videotaped beating his daughter has been suspended.

UGHHH!!!! Yet another horrible child abuse story, in which a hunt is on for a New Jersey man who allegedly threw his two-year-old off an overpass bridge into a stream—while she was still strapped in her car seat.

Late night talk show host Jimmy Fallon apologizes to Michele Bachmann for his house band playing "Lyin' Ass Bitch" as her entry music. (Snirk.)

Locally and in case you missed it, Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber placed a moratorium on executions while he's in office, and (largely unnecessary) overtime for cops during the recent Occupy dust-up has topped $1.29 million.

Now here's your Thanksgiving travel forecast! Showers lessening today, with the next big shower rolling in on Thanksgiving night. Friday and Saturday are looking kind of gorgeous, though—which means our game of "nude touch football" is SO ON.

And finally, Happy Birthday, Edgar! (Edgar just turned 13, and if he stays with this family, he will kill either himself or many more people before he turns 15. Language a tad NSFW-ish.)