Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit - Live at Keller Auditorium March 4!
Jason Isbell has established himself as one of the most respected songwriters of his generation. Don’t miss Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit, March 4th at Keller Auditorium!

So you guys have seen The Muppets by now, right? Of course you have. Then hit the jump to learn about my amazing theory (which someone called a "conspiracy theory," possibly because they know how right it is) that draws some very intriguing comparisons between the plot of The Muppets and Starship's thrilling 1985 classic "We Built This City."

Spoilers and revelations below.

First, Starship's thrilling 1985 classic "We Built This City":

As you'll no doubt remember, among the many outstanding musical moments in The Muppets—Camilla the Chicken's stirring rendition of Cee-lo's "Fuck You," the barbershop quartet arrangement of "Smells Like Teen Spirit," Chris Cooper's rap, the Moopets' "Rainbow Connection," that nostalgia-fueled Kermit song at the start that makes me feel like my heart is being torn right out of my chest—there's an uplifting montage set in the dilapidated Muppet Theater, where all the Muppets get together to clean up the dump... and it's set to "We Built This City." As as a montage song, I've no complaints—since the age of five, I have felt that this is an excellent song—but then I thought: Why, exactly, did they choose "We Built This City"?!?! Of all the songs they could choose....

But then I looked at the lyrics. Click on the words to reveal the secret code, which I alone (with very, very little help from my friend Grant) deciphered.

Someone always playing corporation games
Who cares they're always changing corporation names
We just want to dance here
Someone stole the stage
They call us irresponsible write us off the page


Who counts the money underneath the bar
Who rides the wrecking ball in to our rock guitars
Don't tell us you need us, 'cause we're the ship of fools
Looking for America
Coming in through your schools

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Yes. So here is my theory, which I will consider unimpeachable fact until it is explicitly denied to me by Jason Segel, Nicholas Soller, and/or James Bobin: The script for The Muppets was based on Starship's thrilling 1985 classic "We Built This City."

Or, possibly, the people behind the movie just the song at some point and were like, "Hey, that kinda fits. Maybe we should use it in that cleaning montage or something."

Also, no. I have not yet figured out who Marconi represents, nor why he plays the mamba. But I will.

SLAY Film Fest
In person at the Clinton St. Theater 10/29 & 10/30