Okay, so who watched American Horror Story (the #1 rated show on cable) last night? If you didn't then you missed a rather famous dead guest star AND a rather hot lesbian ghost-on-ghost sex scene! Want to hear more about it? YES, YOU DO. Spoilers and my thoughts about the show after the jump!

I promise, its not what it seems! I lost my contact in her vagina.
  • via FX
  • "I promise, it's not what it seems! I lost my contact in her vagina."


1) So who was the special dead guest star? No other than Elizabeth Short (AKA The Black Dahlia) who was famously murdered and mutilated back in the late '40s, spawning a huge media frenzy, as well as this book. Mena Suvari played the murdered girl, who as it turns out was ALSO viciously killed in this house among presumably thousands of others. Let me guess... is JFK next?

2) While I definitely perked up at the arrival of Dahlia—the subplot kinda went nowhere for me. Hopefully it's setting up a big reveal in future eps, but I'm really beginning to fear that the house is getting waaaaay too goddamn crowded with spirits, and the three main characters who are still alive are being marginalized. OCCUPY LIVING!!

3) Another troubling thing? I don't like all this human on ghost fraternizing! Not only can everybody see the spirits, but apparently there's little difference between ghost and human vagina! That ain't right. If their vaginas are the same as ours, they should be paying rent.

4) "CHRIST! GET TO THE HOT LESBO GHOST-ON-GHOST ACTION ALREADY!!" Okay! Okay! Relax! So the masturbating maid made another welcome return, but was unable to elicit a boner out of Ben. (Maybe because... he's dead too??? Bahm-bahm-BAAAAAAHM!!) Anyway, her licky-licky-boom-boom scene with the Black Dahlia was definitely hot—but as a American Horror Story "I've never seen that on TV before" moment, it was kinda tame. However, I will still happily masturbate to it.

5) Again, I love any scene involving Jessica Lange, Sarah Paulson, an iced bundt cake, or all three.

6) So it was revealed that Viv's twins were actually fathered by two different guys—presumably Ben and Tate the Gimp. Hmmmmm... wonder which baby will turn out to be THE ANTI-CHRIST?

7) The other big shocker of the night came when Ben finally started to figure out that maybe, just maybeeeeee Viv actually was raped by the Gimp, and he's been a colossal douchebag this entire time, inspiring masturbating maid to show her true identity: the mom from Six Feet Under. (This was great, but if it means no more masturbating maid, I'm going on strike!!)

8) All in all, not my favorite episode (a lot of seemingly unnecessary details), though this may all be a set-up for bigger things to come... or, the inevitable downfall that befell Nip/Tuck and Glee. The ride's been good so far though!

9) Want to learn more about this episode and American Horror Story? Visit your local library or read this interesting interview with creator Ryan Murphy.


Im going to tell you all about the Anti-Christ... right after I eat the shit out of this iced bundt cake.
  • via FX
  • "I'm going to tell you all about the Anti-Christ... right after I eat the shit out of this iced bundt cake."