Okay, fine! I was too busy drinking on Wednesday (and subsequently wanting to kill myself on Thursday) to watch American Horror Story—BUT HOLY POOP! Am I glad I did! It was another stand-out episode, which we'll discuss in spoiler-filled detail after the jump. JOIN ME WON'T YOU??

What?? Goddammit! Can someone tell me who buried a dead body in the apple bowl??
  • Courtesy FX
  • "What?? Goddammit! Can someone tell me who buried a dead body in the apple bowl??"


Okay, so here's what I'm thinking:

1) When AHS devotes nearly an entire episode to Constance (the amazing Jessica Lange), you know it's gonna be fan-fucking-tastic. We learned a lot more about her relationship with Scarry Mc Scarredfacerson and how exactly he got that way! (Note to young parents: Kill your children before they become teenagers.)

2) Best line in the show via (of course) Constance: “Those Koreans. They’re so suspicious, you know, ever since Hiroshima.” HAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Sweet.

3) Naturally, as everyone correctly guessed in the comments last week, poor Violet has been dead and tucked into the crawlspace for the last 16 days. (Probably doesn't stink 'cuz she so sweet.) And Ben? When you say you've been a "bad dad" lately, you are correct. I know you've seen her hanging around, but you didn't notice Violet hadn't left the house for SIXTEEN DAYS? (Note to teens: Kill your parents before you turn 13.)

4) In Ben's defense, he was totally kicking ass in that fight scene with Tate! And dressed in a towel, no less (thank you very much, Ryan Murphy)! It must be kind of hard fighting someone in a gimp suit. Seems like it would be slippery. Oh! And raise your hand if you thought Tate was gonna bugger Ben in the booty afterward!

5) You know, Tate's a jerk (killing all those kids in his high school, and all)—but you gotta admit it, girls! HE'S A ROMANTIC! If I ever kill myself and come back as an oblivious ghost? I want Tate to break the news to me.

6) Tune in next week for "Birth" in which we finally get a peek at those adorable twins. (Think they'll be reincarnated Violet and Tate? Finger's crossed!) And then the week after that, the season finale, appropriately entitled, "Afterbirth"—where the poop will undeniably hit the fan. See ya next week, and check out Ryan Murphy's interview regarding this episode here!

Why... wont... his... towel... fall... OFF???
  • via FX
  • "Why... won't... his... towel... fall... OFF???"