GOOD MORNING, NEWS! I don't know no shame, I feel no pain, I can't see the flame! LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Blogtown Notification! Just as a reminder, we're still on a bit of a vacation, but don't worry your pretty little head! We'll still be popping in here and there all week.

Thousands protest in Homs, Syria as Arab League monitors arrive to make sure the government is keeping their promise to stop the brutal crackdown. (Quick you guys! Hide the tanks!)

Egyptian officials are now banning "virginity tests" for detained female protesters. Ummm... yay?

Former "big boxes" Sears and Kmart are forced to close nearly 120 stores (thanks to bigger big boxes Target and Walmart).

Today in "TERRIBLE": An Indiana babysitter is charged with murder after admitting that he killed and buried the 9-year-old girl he was taking care of.

FOOD COURT FIGHT!! Around 50 goddamn teenagers swarmed and brawled through the Mall of America! (Omigod... don't hurt Hot Dog on a Stick!)

A TSA agent confiscates a woman's cupcake because he thought the icing might be a security risk... a delicious security risk! Nom, nom, nom.

Today in "HA HA HA": Mel Gibson loses half of his $850 million fortune to his ex-wife in his divorce.

In sporty-sports, the Blazers "played terribly" but somehow eked out a victory against the 76ers last night (107-103). Tonight they take on the Kings, so be sure to tune into Blogtown for some hot live blogging action with special guest correspondent Rob Simonsen!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A touch of the showers today, but very rainy and windy tomorrow!

And finally, if I had known that "Santa pants" actually had magical powers, I would've put them on my dog years ago!!