Umm, I owe y’all an apology. Evil Dead: The Musical, a pick for yesterday’s My, What a Busy Week!, is pretty bloody awful.

God, I wanted to like it—I really truly did. I heart Evil Dead to the bottom of my rapey-tree roots, but this was just an endurance test. It was 2.25 hours of shaky acting, microphone difficulties, clumsy scenery changes, and vast amounts of what looked like Franzia rosé pumped into the backs of people’s head via Super Soakers. (A positive: The cabin looked great!) And there was also a puzzling scene from Rocky Horror Picture Show. But anyway, back to how long Evil Dead: The Musical was… sooooo soooo long. There was at least 15 minutes of padding so we could listen to someone’s “Groovy Evil Dead Playlist” complete with “Thriller,” “Dead Man’s Party,” and the theme song from True Blood in its entirety, while we sat there with their thumbs up our asses (at least I think that was my thumb—there were lot of disembodied hands running around). Nothing horror-based should exceed 90 minutes—this is a universal law—no matter how much you want to feature your really killer rendition of “Time Warp.” (And why was Riff Raff trying to pump up the crowd during an interminably long intermission? Shouldn’t he be off porking Magenta backstage?)

Anyway, I’m really sorry. And if you’re already part of tonight and tomorrow’s sold-out crowd with your really expensive tickets to the splatter zone, a recommendation: Get plastered before the show, ’cause the drunk dude up front last night was having the time of his life. But I think he’d been drinking since dawn, and the singing, dancing Deadites threw a bucket of Franzia at his head during the finale, so he’s probably blissfully dead today.