GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Get off the freeway, exit 106 and "Park"ed it, ash tray, flip gate, time to spark it. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

SLUSHPOCALYPSE NOW! Warm temps are turning last night's snowfall into a slushy mess—but that's not the worst of it! Expect lots of rain and heavy winds (especially along the coast) today.

The internet is joining hands to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA). So no Wikipedia research today for you! (I'm sure a couple of porn sites are still open, though.)

Divers looking for survivors on the sunken Costa Concordia cruise ship have suspended their search after the ship began shifting. Eleven have been proclaimed dead so far.

But get this! The captain of the cruise ship who hopped off the sinking vessel was ordered back onto his ship to oversee rescue operations by a furious (and morally justified) coast guard member. HELL YEAH! Back on your ship, Cap'n Chickenshit!

Today in political dick moves: Iran sends Obama a toy drone in a weird attempt to mock him. I don't understand their sense of humor.

Mittens Romney reveals he pays about 15% in taxes (too little according to the White House), but still refuses to release his tax records. FORGET ABOUT THE TAX RECORDS! WHERE'S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE??

Anybody visiting L.A. today? Be on the look out for any stray bodies, because a severed head was found near the Hollywood sign. (Not part of the tour.)

A two-year old says "BLEEEEP!" (AKA "fuck") on the hit show Modern Family, and weirdly... some people get upset by this!

Us magazine reports that pop star Rihanna and her former asshole abuser Chris Brown have been "hooking up for over a year." UGH! :(

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: RAAAAAAAAAIN!!!

And finally, three kids who are not very happy about the Wikipedia blackout.