Hey guys. I’m keeping things short today because I am busy. And aren’t you? Don’t you people have jobs? What are you doing on Blogtown all day? Sheeeeeeeeesh. (JK! Please never leave.)

30 Rock

A continuation of last week’s episode shows Jack still in Lemon’s head about her new boyfriend, Criss. Those two have a weird relationship, don’t they? Seems like on sitcoms, platonic friends have oddly close relationships because they really want to get together, but I don’t believe that is the case here. It’s just…weird. What do you people think is happening?

Jack is entangled in a mess with the gravel-voiced Devon Banks. Will Arnett gets to be on 2 Thursday night shows now! Lucky guy. Just like the iconic Jessica Hecht, who played Ross’s ex-wife’s new wife Susan on Friends, and also was on The Single Guy. (Yes, I am available to be on your '90s television trivia team, and yes, I will destroy.) Banks is ready to leak some more negative Tracy stuff if Jack doesn’t get his triplets into a top preschool. One thing leads to another, and they have to placate Kathy Geiss by making a unicorn the mascot of NBC. I am for this.

My brief recaps are still lengthy so hit the jump for my thoughts on Alec Baldwin's hair and why bowling sucks.

Tracy, meanwhile, is still working with NAZI (National Association for Zero Tolerance). The idiot protests had developed out of 30 Rock’s response to Tracy Morgan’s anti-gay rant from last year, and fellow commenter Fruit Cup had commented on 30 Rock's making light of the situation last week, and I think he was right, especially since the original controversy has kind of been blown off now for this sillier bit. Where are you, FC? What do you think now?

Jenna and Kenneth are still using Kelsey Grammer to cover up having poisoned Pete. Kelsey Grammer skeezes me out. I wish they’d gotten another big-name '90s sitcom star here. What is Paul Reiser doing these days?

Wow, I’m like 5,000 words into this recap and have left out a ton of stuff and I’m trying to be brief. The thing with this show is this: plots don’t make this show awesome—the amazing writers and cast do. Like Liz going off on idiots, who she blames them for Florida and the possibility of an Entourage movie. So awesome.

Final thought: I have been rewatching older 30 Rock episodes on Netflix and Alec Baldwin’s hair used to be salt and peppery but now it’s like, fluorescent brown. I do not like it.

Parks and Recreation

Hilarious, as always! This show is on a fucking roll so far this year. Leslie has a focus group for her city council campaign (against the dreamy Bobby Newport, not featured in this episode, booo.) Some hick loser says that he’s not too sure about Leslie because he doesn’t think he could go bowling with her. To win that guy's vote and prove she's not an elitist, Leslie puts together an event at the bowling alley.

Ron shows up to the bowling alley event because it serves his favorite foods: hamburgers and hot dogs only. He says he is not afraid to eat there, because:

Fear him, meat products.
  • Fear him, meat products.

Over at April and Andy’s, the rest of the Parks staff phone-banking and whoever can raise the most money wins movie tickets. The highly enthusiastic Chris is poised to win, but April decides to beat him so that his happiness will go away. Little do we know, Chris is about to be crushed by Jerry’s daughter Millicent, who dumps him midway through. Chris is sad. April wins! But then she invited Chris to the movies with her and Andy. That girl is all over the place. Smart! Dumb! Mean! Nice!! Way to keep us on our toes, April. Or way to be inconsistent, writers.

After that hick loser calls Leslie a bitch after she kicks his ass at bowling, Ben punches him. Leslie doesn’t condone violence, but rightly calls it an awesome move that made them make out a bunch. Awww. Her non-apology for the incident got the next focus group on her side. People are stupid. I loved this episode because it was super funny, and because it confirmed my belief in the idiocy of both the voting public, and bowling.

30 Rock

Crap, two new episodes in one night?!?! This one I'll really keep brief: excellent. I loved Liz talking with her new best friend about imagining how Peeta Mellark smells. Preach.

Up All Night

A rerun! I'm out.

Okay, e-nut gallery: what other one-liners rocked your socks off, and what are your general feelings on the direction of these fantastic shows this year?