Another week, another Mercury music section to wad up in fury as you read the profoundly irritating news that Portlandia is publishing its own travel guide to Portland.

Two friends growing up on Vashon Island start a band. That band becomes the Pharmacy, and the Pharmacy is here to disprove any rumors about rock and roll's supposed demise.
LISTEN:

The Pharmacy - "Dig Your Grave"

Our metal writer proclaims that Arizona's Vektor is the most legit metal band in the US. He obviously hasn't heard my metal band, LEGÏTIMATÖR—we do a mean metal cover of "2 Legit 2 Quit."
LISTEN:

Plus, we also have a special Valentine's Day playlist of the creepiest love songs of all time, with the Crystals, Roxy Music, Kenny Rogers, and more. These are the songs that you don't want to put on that Valentine's mixtape for your sweetie.

And a whole candy box full of Up and Comings.