Super Duper: It's Super Tuesday! Ten states hold presidential nominating contests today for the Republican nominees. The game changer: Ohio.

Meal of the Day: Super Tuesday-themed burgers. Om nom romney.

Meanwhile, in Salem: Oregon's 2012 Legislature wrapped up last night, ushering in a handful of bills (and nixing others). Highlights: The state will dish out livestock to ranchers who lost theirs to wolves, Sam Adam's PSU sustainability center receives zilch in funding, and one representative told another to "shut your mouth."

Whiz Bang: Police responded to shots fired in Southeast Portland last night to no avail. "At this point there are no victims, no suspects in custody and no one is hit and there is no property damage," reads the press release. But! "The investigation is continuing." Atta boys.

Russian Rabble Rousing : Vladmir Putin's potentially flawed presidential win in Russia sparks protests across the country. Despite 550 arrests, protesters say they will stick to the streets until they win.

Safety First: Senator John McCain speaks out in support of US air strikes throughout Syria in order to protect "safe havens." Backwards?

Cooties: The British Olympic Association attempts to dissuade UK Olympians from shaking hands with competitors at the upcoming games. The threat? "Hand hygiene."

'Bout Time: A Michigan man sues her local AMC movie theater because its snack prices are too damn high.

Now, for some bro-ed out subtitles: