This will be spun as good news. The economy has added 200,000 jobs for the third consecutive month, keeping the unemployment rate at a not-so-healthy 8.3 percent. But nearly half of everyone unemployed—43 percent—has been out of work for a debilitating six months or longer.

Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich are hoping reactionary Republican southerners will throw their reactionary presidential bids a life line during Tuesday's primaries in Alabama and Mississippi.

Meanwhile, in Florida, a black teenager who wandered into a gated community, trying to buy Skittles for his little brother, was gunned down by nervous members of the neighborhood watch.

The informant hacker who allegedly led LulzSec led a double life as a jerk neighbor in Manhattan's Lower East Side.

The pope complains about gay marriage.

Israel: "Hey, America. Could we borrow one of those bunker-busting bombs you're not using right now? No special reason..."

Europe says "sanctions" are starting to crack Syria's massacre-happy leadership, touting a flood of high-ranking military defections in recent days.

Because it can't happen here, the NAACP will ask the United Nations to look into "a coordinated legislative attempt... by states across America to disfranchise millions of black and Latino voters in November's presidential election."

A gunman shot up a psychiatric hospital in Pittsburgh, killing one and injuring seven, before he was killed, too.

What's wrong with this? Yes, this guy put a transmitter under his wife's bed. But he promises it's only because he got tired of always coming home (a home they still shared) while she was boning with her new boyfriend and having to hear it, and so he wanted some kind of early warning system. No further explanation needed, right? Um... well...

A toddler's tantrum got a family of four kicked off a JetBlue flight. That's justice.

THE MAN BEHIND DISCO INFERNO IS DEAD. WE'LL MISS YOU JIMMY ELLIS. (PROBABLY NOT.) I'D LINK TO YOUR SONG, BUT THIS DISCO SONG IS WAY BETTER THAN YOURS. IT IS A MASTERPIECE.