Hi everybody. Remember how yesterday everybody had to be all embarrassed about liking The New Girl? Let’s put that behind us and talk about some unarguably cooler shows.


As the gang gets back together from break (even though last week’s episode happened — what did I miss here??) Jeff’s swagger has a new swagger, thanks to some new anti-anxiety medication. Britta tries to tell him that slight anxiety is the only thing that keeps his massive ego in check, telling him “you’re a textbook narcissist!” “No. I’m an exceptional narcissist.” When he puts on aviators in the hallway, his shadow’s hotness causes the Dean to go into convulsions.

And Abed's doing this:

Your fugitives name is Dr. Richard Kimble.
  • Your fugitive's name is Dr. Richard Kimble.

More after the cut!

He has been hiring celebrity impersonators to act out scenes from movies with him. French Stewart (playing a French Stewart impersonator whose time has passed) tells the group that Abed is in for $3k, and that he’ll get a fake Ving Rhames to break Abed’s knees if he doesn’t come up with the money. The group considers an intervention to get Abed to stop, but Troy reminds them how much Abed’s imagination improves all of their realities, so they agree to help by working a bar mitzvah. Abed is Jamie Lee Curtis from True Lies. Poor Pierce thinks he’s Burt Reynolds and not fat Brando. And Jeff, as Ryan Seacrest, is fawned over by drunk moms telling him he’s more handsome than Ryan Seacrest. Jeff’s ego nears exploding as he hears that he is better looking than a man who is actually famous for being good-looking. Britta tries to help by knocking his ego down a few pegs (“you have an unusually high buttcrack!”) but the moms have him convinced he can win the award for Most Handsome Young Man. When he loses, he has a Hulk-style breakdown, tearing off his shirt onstage and kissing Shirley-as-Oprah.

Abed’s debt is cleared, but Troy gets home to find that he's working on a dual Patch Adams/Popeye reenactment. They have a tense conversation that I did not enjoy where Troy says he does not like telling Abed what to do but he is going to anyways, and Abed decides to take his advice, but does not invite Troy into the Dreamatorium with him. He doesn’t even secret-handshake him back.

My insides are crying.
  • My insides are crying.

In the Dreamatorium, evil Abed appears and talks shit. Regular Abed says “This is really crazy. And inaccessible. And maybe too dark.” Um, yeah, for reals, Regular Abed. “Inaccessible” is a good work to describe the episode. I would hate to be a person trying to watch this show for the first time last night. It would not be funny. But as an expert, I found it funny! Especially this stuff:

1. Chang shooting Hulk Jeff in the ass with a tranquilizer, and Jeff tearing it out and running off. Jeff is always the smarmy straight man but it’s awesome when he’s silly.
2. Dean to Chang: “I don’t know who told you you could be pouting right now but all you’re making me feel is hatred of Renee Zellweger.”
3. Did you see Britta' psychology 101 book was written by Ian Duncan (the guy John Oliver plays)? Tiniest cameo ever.

I wasn’t really into Troy and Abed not being bros, though. It made me uncomfortable and sad, and evil Abed seems like a trouble-maker. Abed is supposed to keep the team together, not be so caught up in his weirdness that he isolates himself. So HMMMMMMM.

30 Rock

Jack remembers that he has a wife who is still being held prisoner in North Korea, and decides to take public action by going on the Today show, going so far as to see Matt Lauer's band, Rhythm and News. Unfortunately, a Chinese mining accident involving adorable babies and rescue puppies gets his story bumped. Jenna suggests they make a made for TV movie about the ordeal to raise awareness. Jenna gets the lead role only after proving she's as calculating and self-interested as Avery.

Kenneth is still having a hard time not being the page. The new page, Hazel, can’t deal with it, and tries to confront him: “What’s your problem?” “Well, technically my parents were technically brothers…” She goes to Liz for advice, but can’t take what she’s dishing out, and decides to keep being Tracy’s fun page. When Kenneth tries to talk some sense into Tracy, she interrupts: “Tracy, do you want to be bossed around by this trailer park Hitler, or do you want to do whatever you want with a sexy fun bitch you just bought you a pinata?!” Kenneth eventually quits his NBC job so he can get a walk-on role on TGS to save Tracy from Hazel.

30 Rock
Gah, two new episodes! Jenna shows the team the video for her new song “Kidnapped,” and is devastated to find out that Weird Al has already mocked it with a song called “Knapsack.” Tracy helps her write a seemingly unmockable song about pizza. The chorus goes “farts so loud! Farts so loud!” Then - twist! - Weird Al covers it with an incredibly sincere patriotic song about veterans, turning the chorus into “Heart so proud!”

Jack is upset with Liz’s draft of the Avery TV movie, saying that it should not include bits about Nancy Donovan (hilariously cast as Cynthia Nixon). Liz insists she can write romance. “You should read my Mythbusters fan fiction!” William Baldwin is brilliant as an actor playing Jack Donaghy, seducing Avery’s mom by bashing Priuses.

Up All Night

I can't so much with this show anymore.

In closing: I am going to go hunt for some Mythbusters fan fiction now.