This doesn't look good at all: It has been announced that TLC is introducing a new show in order to perpetuate the voluntary humiliation of average citizens that has become a disturbing bulk of our culture's entertainment. Firstly, it is called Craft Wars, because fucking everything has to be a fight now. Secondly, it is going to be hosted and executive produced by Tori Spelling, whose claim to fame is still that her daddy gave her a job on a (awesome) teen soap opera, but I guess she writes books full of drivel now or something, too.

“I love how crafting gives you the opportunity to really express yourself and show your creativity,” Tori said in Thursday’s announcement. “It’s an amazing outlet…nothing shows love more than homemade.”

Inspiring words, now... FIGHT! WAR! Etc. Once again I'll make a futile plea to the massive craft community in Portland: Do not wind up on this show. Because if you do, I will watch it, and it will be a significantly bigger pain in the ass to try and find someone to let me watch it at their house (I killed my TV, I'm a dirtfoot hippie, etc) than Project Runway already is.