Somewhat surprising employment figures were released this morning: just 120,000 new jobs, defying expectations and shy of the 200,000 plus we'd been hitting for the past few months. They were followed, however, by unsurprising spin.

Here's one woman who wouldn't need to work. Except that winning Mega Millions ticket she made sure to tell a gaggle of reporters all about? She now can't find it, she says, after stashing it somewhere at the McDonald's where she works.

The Bush Administration thought it destroyed all copies of a top secret memo that said the CIA, actually, was probably stinky guilty of torturing people. But they missed one, and now the silenced author of that memo is speaking out.

Still largely bankrupt ideologically, the Republican Party has at least managed to turn around its dire financial picture—managing to actually surpass the Democrats in fundraising as of late.

Oh, and pretty much everybody
in Pennsylvania still doesn't like Rick Santorum.

Like downing one final round before last call, Syria's government killed at least 23 more in shelling of the capital city's suburbs last night. Troops are supposed to start withdrawing as part of a tepid peace proposal.

The Coast Guard rarely sees combat. So this must have been a real gas.

Cancer has socialist strongman Hugo Chavez tearfully begging for torture porn: "Give me your crown, Jesus. Give me your cross, your thorns so that I may bleed. But give me life, because I have more to do for this country and these people. Do not take me yet."

Virgin Atlantic, the British airline, is in trouble. A senior employee stands accused of passing celebrities' booking information to a prominent paparazzi company.

Best wedding guest ever: She got drunk, wouldn't stop slow-dancing with the groom, brawled with the bride, beat on an off-duty cop, and then had to sober up in jail.

The Wyoming town of Buford—population 1—has been sold to an anonymous buyer from Vietnam.

YES, INDEED. THIS IS JUST "YOUR BASIC WHITE CAKE." WONDER HOW SHE FELT WHEN UNCHECKED DIABETES TURNED HER TOES BLACK.