With a surprisingly slow start tugging at the Timbers' morale, none other than Cosmopolitan has handed the team something it can rally around: Razzing the rookie.

I'm guessing first-year Timber Andrew Jean-Baptiste will get his share of jests this week after being named as Portland's representative for Cosmo's "Hot Soccer Players We Can't Resist" list. To start, I bet Mike Chabala is pretty ticked at being snubbed. Secondly, yes, Becks tops the list. Shocker.

From Cosmo:

Soccer players are quite possibly the hottest athletes around—they’re just the right amount of ripped, and have the best legs we’ve ever seen on dudes.

Go on ...

He may play pro soccer for the Portland Timbers, but Andrew could be a comedian—his tweets crack us up.

Tweets? You gals are so picky! Speaking of, Jean-Baptiste, 19, took to Twitter to respond, saying Cosmo used "a bad pic" for the write-up.

Modest to boot? What a catch.