In roller-derby Latin, that headline roughly translates to: The hard-hitting ladies of the Rose City Rollers are taking on the rough 'n' tumble gentlemen of the Portland Men's Roller Derby this Saturday. This is an unprecedented opportunity to see a Clash of the Sexes on skates. While the X and Y chromosomes will be flying around the Hangar track out at Oaks Park, it's a closed game so you can't watch it in person, but they're showing it live, on the big screen, at the Bagdad Theater. You can watch the booty-bumping fisticuffs from a comfy seat, quaff a dram of refreshing beer, and partake in a plethora of pizza. No live-streaming at home for this one—only at the Bagdad. I'm putting my money on the ladies—the gentler sex, my ass.
Live stream of Rose City Rollers' Wheels of Justice vs. Portland Men's Roller Derby's Bridgetown Menace, Saturday, April 21, Bagdad Theater (3702 SE Hawthorne), doors at 1 pm, bout at 2 pm, $10 (Know a skater? She or he is selling tickets. Or buy them at the door.)

Plus, tonight is a brouhaha with the butt-rock queens of the Guns N Rollers. They want to rock you all night long at their karaoke-bedazzled fundraiser. You can bet things are going to get rowdy with GNR, beer, and a shit-ton of karaoke singing. Live band the Karaoke Kings are providing the backing tracks to belted-out renditions of "Crazy Train" and "Islands in the Stream" (what? GNR has a soft side, right?). There'll also be raffles and a free photo booth to snag a pic with your favorite roller girl—she promises not to hurt you.
Karaoke party with the Guns N Rollers, tonight at Blitz Ladd (2239 SE 11th), 9 pm-2 am, free, 21+