HOLY SEVERED LIMBS, BATMAN! Things happened! Lots and lots of things! The most recent episode of Game of Thrones made up for last week’s snoozer. This week- things happened, events transpired, and shit went down. It was easily the best installment so far of season two.

After the jump, I use way too many exclamation points. Also, there are spoilers.

Never Forget
  • Never Forget

Winterfell has Winter-fallen. Robb Stark was an idiot to send Theon to the Iron Islands. Balon Greyjoy is an insane Cthulhu-Viking who led a rebellion that got crushed by Ned Stark. How the hell did Robb think Greyjoy was going to react? Amicably? “Oh, hi, Balon! I’m Robb Stark. Yeah, you might remember me from that one time when my dad kicked your ass and kidnapped your son. Wanna become pals now? We can be battle-buddies and fight Lannisters!” Robb gave up Theon, his only real bargaining chip when it came to dealing with Greyjoy. If he wanted an alliance of convenience, he should have sent an expendable minor lord rather than his ace in the hole. Fortunately for Robb, though, Roose Bolton’s bastard is on the way to retake Winterfell. That will fix everything.

To be fair, Theon’s also an idiot. It’s clear from the opening scenes with Bran and the citizens of Winterfell that Theon has not exactly thought his invasion of Winterfell. He probably thought that everyone was going to be like “Oh, hi Theon! You’re invading us? Okay, cool. Nice to have you back! Do you want any hookers or biscuits?” Theon does not appear to be good at leading dudes, storming castles, or demanding surrenders. Archery, though- he’s pretty good at that.

Ser Roderik! Nooooo! Okay, even as an anti-Stark-ite, that kind of made me sad. HBO has given us a new and exciting reason to dislike Theon.

Ygritte is in the show now. Goddammit. Here’s hoping TV Ygritte is less of a manic pixie dream girl than Book Ygritte.

Bye, Myrcella! Have fun in Dorne! Enjoy being used as a pawn by your relatives in an elaborate dance of warfare and diplomacy! I’m sure she’ll have lots of fun in Dorne. I’ve heard it’s a nice place. Cersei does seem to genuinely care for her children, though. I don’t think Cersei is a wholly irredeemable monster- she's an awful human, sure, but she really does care for her kids. There's that, at least.

RIOT! Joffrey- ALSO AN IDIOT. His poor impulse control caused a riot to break out, and when the citizens of King’s Landing riot, they do it up. They don’t just smash windows and loot Starbucks- they rip limbs off dudes and hold them aloft over the undulating chaos. It was great to see the Hound in action again- he's one of the best ambiguous characters in the series.

Behold the mighty bitchslap of the Dinklage! Hey, remember that part where Tyrion smacked Joffrey? That was great.

“My dreams come true.” I have every reason to dislike Daenerys. I don’t. As illogical as it is to root for Princess Dragonpants, I can’t help but get in her corner. Maybe it’s because she had dragons. I like dragons.

Tywin and Arya have special boding time. Awww! I want Lord Tywin and Arya to team up and kill everyone. That would be utterly heartwarming.

Hi, Not-Jeyne. It looks that Robb’s interaction with a field medic was actually a meet-cute. It’s looking like she and Robb are on their way to sexy-town. I’m sure that will go well.

Dragon-napping! Nooooo! It looks like the creepy warlocks stole the cute dragons. INTERESTING!

Also i09 posted several short animations about the history of Westeros last week that were bundled onto the Blu-Ray set. They're worth a watch if you're a raving completist fanboy such as myself.

Highly looking forward to next week, where hopefully Detective Daenerys will solve the Mystery of the Missing Dragons. I AM SO EXCITED, GUYS. I love this show.