A lot of people make fun of Tom Cruise because of the way he runs. However, I'm a big fan of Cruise's running style—which is kind of like if you ripped off the arms and legs of a Ken doll and replaced them with jackhammers—and it is MOST CERTAINLY better than that of Steven Seagal who runs like his arms have been replaced with those skinny green inflatable things you see waving around outside of T-Mobile stores.


And I rest my case.