GOOD MORNING, NEWS! You make me want to leave the one I'm with, start a new relationship with you, this is what you do. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Mittens Romney is still trying to make hay over Obama's "the private sector is doing fine" comment, while Obama is making hay over every single word that pops out of Mitt's mouth.

The Supremes refuse to hear another word about those detainees in Guantanamo Bay—sooooo. Anybody wanna play Scrabble?

Secretary of Commerce John Bryson is involved in a hit 'n' run accident in California—supposedly due to a seizure. Supposedly.

The British Prime Minister and his wife accidentally leave their 8-year-old child in a pub. Accidentally.

Ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak's health is quickly deteriorating in prison, as doctors are forced to shock his heart twice. Forced.

The prosecutor calls former Penn state assistant coach Jerry Sandusky a "serial predator." NBC's Chris Hansen responds, "Hey! Nobody gets to call him that but me!"

And! According to NBC, Penn State may have known much more than they're admitting about the Sandusky scandal.

Madonna flashes her nipple—on purpose—at a concert in Istanbul, which was once Constinople before Madonna got there.

In related Madonna news: World famous Madonna impersonator Lady Gaga gets whacked on the head during a performance... not on purpose.

The :( headline of the day: "Hitchhiker writing 'Kindness' memoir shot in Montana drive-by."

It's the headline you've been waiting for all your life: "Penguins' Explicit Sex Acts Shocked Polar Explorer." Yesssssss. Shocked... and "aroused."

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Gorgeous today with a high of 75, a bit of light rain tomorrow, and only partly cloudy skies for the rest of your work week.

And finally, here's "Infinitty Kitty" in which a kitten tumbles down into a cosmos of cuteness.