If you read this week's Letters to the Editor, you know we've started a new weekly service called, "Female Prisoner Pen Pals" in which actual women prisoners from actual women's prisons introduce themselves and make their pitch on why they'd like to be your pen pal.

NOTE: The Mercury is not responsible for you getting too emotionally attached to your prison pen pal. You're an adult, and you need to start acting like one. Also—be nice! These gals are in prison, after all, and don't need any of your infantile shenanigans. Thank you.

Here's this week's Mercury Female Prisoner Pen Pal notification from Jamie.

Hi, my name is Jamie. I am a 31-year-old female, 5'6", 140 pounds, fun, outgoing, good sense of humor with a great smile. Doin' some time and need a good pen pal. Male or female. Please write to: Jamie Malespin, c/o Madison County Jail, 15 N 2nd East, Rexburg, ID 83440

I like Jamie, and I think she would make a great pen pal. She sounds very honest, and... you know... "real." I am pretty disappointed that she didn't include her hair and eye color, though. It's like she's hiding something. Like, behind that "great smile" is someone who is actually frowning, because she has blue eyes when what she really wants are brown eyes. Maybe that's why she's just "doin' some time." Maybe she tried to remove someone else's cornea and surgically implant them into her own eyes. That would certainly warrant "doin' some time."

Huh. Anyway, this is what I think Jamie might look like.

What you get when you Google 31-year-old female.
  • What you get when you Google "31-year-old female."

Hmm.... well, this obviously isn't Jamie, but whatever. I think Jamie deserves a good pen pal, no matter whose eyes she may or may not have plucked out. That kind of friendship might be the key to her recovery—so why don't you write her already? And let us know how it turns out. The Mercury needs a good success story. Make it "heart warming."