Thursday, June 14th - Seattle, WA
When I sleep on people's couches, I'm afraid I'll take off my pants and blankets while I'm asleep and they'll have to pretend they can't see my junk while they're getting ready for work. It probably hasn't happened yet, since people keep inviting me to stay with them, but the possibility still stresses me out.
This weekend I'm putting aside my fear of junk exposure and driving up to Seattle after my shows this weekend to stay with my way tight bros from way back when.
While they're off working job-type jobs, I drank a double tall cappuccino on the 40th floor of a super-tall building in downtown Seattle. Some may criticize Starbucks for being too corporate, too darkly roasted, or for having really boring taste in music. All true. But this is not a moral issue. A coffee shop called "Sky Lounge" located 400+ feet in the air is awesome, no matter the company. I'd shop at a Walmart in the sky without an ounce of guilt. I also took money out of an ATM on the 40th floor and paid the $2 fee just to say I used an ATM in the clouds.
After the jump... Tacoma! And inappropriate parenting.
Friday, June 15th - Tacoma, WA
Despite being not-that-big, Tacoma has three full time comedy clubs (so perhaps Portland is big enough for three of them after all?). Most clubs demand citywide loyalty for a period (6 months?), so I can safely say this is the nicest club I've ever performed at in Tacoma.
This weekend, I'm doing my first experiment with merch. Touring comics almost always sell t-shirts or CDs to supplement their paltry comedy paychecks. I have never aspired to be a t-shirt salesman, but I've also never aspired to be poor, so decisions were made.
To cut down on some of the risk, I ordered two sets of stickers with different funny sayings from my act. Whichever is more popular in its small form will get promoted to shirtdom.
That's the plan, anyway. I sold no stickers my first time out. I didn't even make a sticker nervous it would have to leave its family. My thoroughly awesome headliner got skunked on sales too so it's probably not my fault. They laughed at my sex jokes but kept their wallets sealed.
The sex jokes were also interesting because I had a lady come up to me after the show and tell me I was so dirty she had to remove her 12-year-old from the audience.
//sound of a record scratching//
Wait, you brought a 12-year-old to a comedy club? Even worse, you brought your 12-year-old to a comedy club? "I was told it was going to be a PG-13 show." Okay, but [a] I wasn't told it was a PG-13 show; [b] Your 12-year-old most definitely isn't 13; and [c] your 12-year-old probably likes Dane Cook and Louis C.K.—I am not even close to the dirtiest thing she's laughed at.
Actually, if parents are happy to bring their 12-year-olds to my shows, I'm probably not entertaining the adults in the room. And then nobody's going to buy stickers and I'll have no money to take out of the sky ATM.
Five more shows here. Things will probably get better.