DON'T!—Here's a nice cautionary tale against child abuse: Little Donald's mommy burned him with matches when he was bad, and in fine grindhouse tradition he grew up to be the flamethrower-wielding psychopath of 1980's B-horror movie Don't Go in the House, shown here on 35mm. But no seriously: Don't go in the damn house! MS
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $7

—Fine: If you won't go to a book reading, then the book reading's coming to you. Future Tense Books joins the sunny-day hordes at Colonel Summers Park, presenting a reading from three exciting young writers: poets Diana Salier and Eirean Bradley, and essayist Chloe Caldwell. AH
Colonel Summers Park, SE 17th & Taylor, 7 pm, FREE