GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! When you touch me, I feel funny. I feel it too when you're touching me. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Rebel gunmen are accused of storming a Syrian TV station, killing several employees—though the rebels claim the bad guys were defectors from the Republican guard.

Filmmaker and essayist Nora Ephron has died following complications involving a long running battle with a form of leukemia at the age of 71.

Queen Elizabeth II shook hands with former IRA commander Martin McGuinness which could mark the beginning of the end of the historic battle over British rule in Northern Ireland—one that caused the deaths of over 3,500 people.

President Obama fights Republican vote-fixing by recruiting an army of lawyers to stand by on election day. Republicans respond by recruiting an army of angry hillbillies. (Hey, you work with what you have.)

The "epic" Colorado wild fire continues—now driving 32,000 people from their homes.

Congratulations to Stockton, California—the biggest city in America to go bankrupt.

Jerry Sandusky's grown son Matt Sandusky describes being abused by his foster father and UGGHHHH!!!!

For those confused about the current "Fast and Furious" gun-running scandal, check out this fascinating expose from Fortune which explains this monumental clusterfuck.

Boxing promoters offer R&B rivals Chris Brown and Drake $1 million each to duke it out in the ring. THAT'S NOT FAIR. Give Brown a chance and let him fight a crippled bunny.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Sunny and 80 degrees today (allegedly), with clouds and a possible shower coming in tomorrow and Friday. Saturday is shit.

And finally, here is this guy's impersonation of "dubstep." I'd say it's 99.9 percent accurate.