GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! A bag of sweaty pants and Reeboks with the straps, she turned around and gave that big booty a smack. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

More problems for the new Egyptian president who tried to reconvene parliament and was shut down by the courts. Can you please give an Egyptian prez a break?

Obama is expected to ask for a one-year extension of the Bush tax cuts for those making less than $250,000—once again pleasing NOBODY.

Mittens Romney raised $106 million in June, outraising Obama by $35 million. Phew! Good thing, because Romney really needed the money.

A woman accused of adultery is publicly executed by the Taliban (as their dickhead cohorts cheered them on). Burn 'em.

Rogue waves in Hawaii sweep six teens into the ocean, one remains missing.

A Georgia banker goes missing, and weirdly, so does $17 million. Huh. Weird.

In case you missed it over the weekend, the world's 9th greatest actor Ernest Borgnine is dead at the age of 95. Poseidon Adventure, y'all! Air Wolf!!

I don't understand anything about this, but in case you care: "Tour de France stage 9: Bradley Wiggins wins time trial, extends overall lead." WHATEVER!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Practically perfect weather all week long, with plenty of sunshine and highs in the mid-80s. AHHHHHHH!

And finally, a woman beats her pastor with a Bible in this awesome story from Action 5 News. "HE HAD THE DEMON IN HIM!"