GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! So when your man don't treat ya like he used to? I kick in like a turbo booster! LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Syrian revolutionaries are sending their rebels to battle government troops moving in on the country's biggest city.

Meanwhile, Al Qaeda is making bold attempts to hijack and insinuate themselves into the Syrian revolution—starting with suicide bombing cells.

Mazeltov to Kim Jong Un, the new North Korean leader who just married a young woman mouthing the words "Help... me... please" into the camera.

Four days later, protesters are still angrily taking to the streets of Anaheim, California after a spate of police shootings.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, copycat assholes have been threatening screenings of The Dark Knight Rises.

Also perhaps unsurprisingly, gun sales have spiked in Colorado after the Dark Knight massacre.

A North Dakota newspaper is thinking twice about denying same-sex wedding announcements after finding themselves on the receiving end of a social media dogpile.

An Olympic athlete from Greece makes some racist tweets, issues a hilarious non-apology, and is kicked off the team.

A New Jersey building superintendent stumbles onto what he thinks is a terrorist cell in an apartment—but actually it's the NYPD spying on somebody. WHOOPS.

OH NO SHE DIDN'T! Twilight's Kristen Stewart reportedly cheated on BF Robert Pattinson with the director of Snow White! This is gonna make press tours AWWWWWKWARD!

OPB is canceling all of their "long form music programs" along with a few of the creakier variety shows—but there are some interesting replacements including "Back Fence PDX." WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS??

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A sunny, balmy 84 degrees today, and more of the same to come.

And finally, Hammie the French Bulldog vs. a Laser Pointer. WHO YA... oh, fuck it. The laser pointer and "cute" wins.