You thought no one could ever top China's beautiful, insanely choreographed Olympic opening ceremonies from 2008? Well, cor blimey, guv'nah! London's going to stiff upper lip it, wot, pip-pip, tuppence for the birds! From the Guardian:

A village cricket team, 12 horses, 10 chickens, 70 sheep, a model of Glastonbury Tor, two mosh pits, and the largest harmonically tuned bell in the world are among the sights that will greet the world when the curtain comes up on the London Olympics, it has been revealed.

The surreal vista of a "green and pleasant land", with giant maypoles representing the symbols of the four nations of the UK around which children will dance, is the scene for the opening sequence of Danny Boyle's £27m opening ceremony extravaganza.

Oh, but that's not all... THAT'S NOT ALL!

Boyle said he would not reveal how the "puzzle fits together" and he refused to confirm any of the acts taking part, although Sir Paul McCartney has already confirmed his involvement and the likes of Take That and The Who are also expected to feature.


Friday's opening ceremony will also feature 30 Mary Poppinses fighting a 40-foot Voldemort... Before 40-foot-Voldemort appears, "about 100" children will be wheeled out on hospital beds to perform "a choreographed 'bed dance,'" which sounds quite sexy but probably is not.

To these one hundredish beds will be added a dozen more "giant" ones, on which will dance/frolic/be such beloved storybook characters as The One Hundred and One Dalmatians' dog-skinning villain Cruella de Vil.

I AM NEVER GOING TO STOP WATCHING THIS. Tune in this Friday, July 27th on NBC!

UPDATE/NOTE: NBC is not going to stream the opening ceremonies online, so if anyone knows a good bar that will be screening it, please let us know in the comments!