Novelty 3D glasses that are even stupider than normal 3D glasses are nothing new, but these—for The Hobbit, The Hobbit II: Here's Some More of That Hobbit!, and The Hobbit III: A Major Motion Picture Based on a Post-it Note We Found in One of Tolkien's Old Tweed Jackets, It Might Be a Grocery List, Give Us Your Money—take the cake lembas bread. Boasting a "hammer-forged steel look," they continue Warner Bros.' surprisingly successful efforts to turn me against The Hobbit—a movie based on one of my favorite childhood books, a movie that follows up three of my favorite movies, a movie I should be really excited about—before it even comes out.

Clunky, blocky, faux-stone 3D glasses hewn from cheap plastic that you'll have to wear on your face for three straight hours: They're the only way to feel as if you're really in Middle-earth! And also the only way to look like you're a bad guy from a PlayStation 1 game.

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The 4th annual Portland Sketch Comedy Festival
Sketch comedy troupes from all over N. America descend on The Siren Theater for 3 glorious nights.