Every once in a while, the universe conspires to bring us something that is so absurd but that takes itself so seriously that you can't help but be impressed when you finally stop laughing. The new Firebrand Sports, opening soon on NW 14th, hit that on the nose. I stopped in to their open house with a friend during an unintentional detour through First Thursday, and was lured into a preview tour as they deposited complimentary sparkling wine into my hand. I haven't ever had so much unexpected fun touring a gym. The entire concept is centered around two group fitness classes: Pyrolates™, which sounds more like a fire hazard than the pursuit of toned abs, and Full Tilt Cycling™, which is done on a stationary bike that wobbles a lot and looks positively unpleasant for any level of hungover.
This gym's lounge (pictured below) is nearly the size of its fitness facilities. They'll have private shower rooms that are about the size of my bathroom at home. They call their spinning room a "cycling cathedral." It was this same alternating pattern of awesome and laughable that left me bewildered and thoroughly tickled. And they're offering a week of free classes before they officially open, from November 19th through 25th, where you can go in and see this spectacle for yourself, for free. I'm pretty sure I'll be there, and I'm pretty sure the combination of marathon chuckling and their instructors kicking my ass will be the best work-out of my life. Thanks, universe.
- Clare Gordon
- This is a gym.
Firebrand Sports is located at 500 NW 14th and officially opens on November 26th.