That's just one of the chuckle-inducing lines from the New York Times brutal takedown of Guy Fieri's new restaurant in Times Square. A couple excerpts (the review is written as a letter to Mr. Fieri):

Were you struck by how very far from awesome the Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders are? If you hadn’t come up with the recipe yourself, would you ever guess that the shiny tissue of breading that exudes grease onto the plate contains either pretzels or smoked almonds? Did you discern any buttermilk or brine in the white meat, or did you think it tasted like chewy air?

How did nachos, one of the hardest dishes in the American canon to mess up, turn out so deeply unlovable? Why augment tortilla chips with fried lasagna noodles that taste like nothing except oil? Why not bury those chips under a properly hot and filling layer of melted cheese and jalapeÑos instead of dribbling them with thin needles of pepperoni and cold gray clots of ground turkey?

Whole thing here.